On having "The Talk" (about sexting - there are a lot of "talks" aren't there?)

This is sponsored content from BlogHer and LG Text Ed

 

 

My kids range in age from seven to fourteen, which means I'm lucky enough to get to chase any conversations or worries about my kids using their phones in ways I'd really rather they not with a nice, wholesome chapter of Ramona the Brave at bedtime.  My oldest, at fourteen, has had a phone for two years, and when his brother turns twelve in a couple of months, he'll get one, too.  Honestly, I'm more concerned about them going off the rails with data usage and sticking me with a ginormous bill than I am about them sending X rated messages or photos, but I know time will probably cure that for me. 

I give my kids a high level of privacy, which is maybe different than what a lot of families choose, but it's the shoe that fits us.  My groundrules:

• I would only read their text messages, emails, or journals if I thought they were in immediate danger. 
• I don't go through their rooms or drawers or backpacks.  Well, ok, the backpacks I will open up if they smell from rotten lunch leftovers or PE clothes and the owner isn't around to take care of that unpleasantness for me.
• If I find a note in their pocket when I'm doing laundry I just hand it over, still folded. 

It's not that I've simply released them into the wild totally unsupervised; far from it.  Instead of monitoring them without their permission or knowledge, I get ahead of things and talk to them.  About drugs, about bullies, about sex, about what it was like when I was a kid, about how things are different for them and how some stuff is the same.  And, soon, I'm sure we'll discuss sexting.  We've covered some general things that do apply: assume that your phone (or your friend's) will end up in the hands of your classmates (or, omg, a teacher) at some point; remember when you were four and you looooooved to watch Barney?  You will look back on this time you're in now a few years down the road and feel a little similar probably about some of the things that are really important to you now.  And, that's okay, keep on loving what you love now!  Just, you know, keep in mind how horrified you'd be if the school bully had
texts of you pledging your love to Barney or Steve Burns; and never forget that you haven't exactly disproven my assertion that I know everything Because I'm The Mom.  

I think that once a young adult decides that he or she is ready to be intimate, there's not a whole lot that parents are able to do keep that from happening.  As a parent, I hope that time for my kids is later rather than sooner.  My kids are well aware of this, and I think they agree with my reasoning for the time being.  I want most to help them enter into this part of their lives in a smart, safe way.  My belief is that our history of respect and trust will give my children the space to approach me, even if things don't go according to plan.  Especially if they don't, really.  So, next time I've got one of them alone in the car, I'll likely find myself bringing up Brett Farve and Tiger Woods and listening as my son tells me how totally dumb those guys were being.  And then we can talk about it.

 

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Visit LG Text Ed , where Dr. Rosalind Wiseman explains the dangers and consequences of this new form of flirting. You can also watch Emmy award winning actress Jane Lynch share a lesson on the sensitive stuff kids are sending around without thinking about the consequences.   

Comments

[Kid Vs. Produce]

I think that getting in front of this information is really great. I grew up with zero privacy... but also not a lot of real-world scenario pre-communication.

[jenijen]

I've noticed that with kids knowing so much so soon, it's tough to get ahead of things. So far, so good, though!

[Ann]

I'm so glad my kids are still little! This stuff totally freaks me out. Thanks for posting about it.

[jenijen]

Hi Ann - I know what you mean! My kids are big and it freaks me out, too. I find that it's easiest to have the more uncomfortable discussions at bedtime when it's dark and they can't see me blushing :)