Last night the kids came home, and I was so glad to see them. They did really well at the funeral, and Lex was the first one up when the priest asked if anyone wanted to come forward and share memories. I'm proud of him for that, though not at all surprised.
I wanted to have a nice evening, so I suggested we all pile into the big bed and read by candlelight. The kids thought it was great, but Willow kept making noises and then crying because she was scared. Nate was frustrated, but he still kept trying to reassure Willow by saying, "There's no monsters or skeletons in our house," which set off more tears. She had, after all, only been afraid of the open window.
Nate flat-out refused to go to school today, and then Willow copied him. I asked Nate to get ready so Willow would, and then when it was time to leave, they both did so without a fuss.
I'm feeling so sick and angry about the Amish school shootings. Part of me wanted all the kids to stay home with me today. Willow's preschool is in a high school, and sometimes I question whether I'm being foolish sending her there. I know the chances are that she'll be safe, but frankly the world scares me more and more. Sometimes when the kids are afraid and I tell them not to worry, that they are safe, it feels like I'm lying to them.