Not Calm (dot com)

eyelashes

  eyelashes 
  Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

All my kids have them in spades.  So beautiful!

Jess writes about everyone being pissed off at her.  I know what she means.  I've just been alternating between not caring and wanting to crawl under a big rock. 

Willow slept in, and when she woke up she came and found me and said, "I'm soaked!"  I stripped her bed, then made her a big warm bubble bath, got her a cup of milk and myself a cup of coffee, and we both got in and played with the dozen rubber ducks that hang out there.  Later I just needed to get out of the house, so I put her in a summery dress and we went to the bookstore.  She came home with three coloring/sticker books, and right now she's sitting quietly on the floor next to me playing with the Clifford the dog stickers.  The window is open and it's so quiet outside; I can hear the wind in the leaves.    

Friday shuffle

1. Song For The Julian Calendar ~ The Mountain Goats
2. We All Die ~ Cat Power
3. Alley Flowers ~ Jolie Holland
4. Let Me Go ~ Heaven 17
5. Cello Song ~ Nick Drake
6. Resigned ~ Mumble & Peg
7. Black Coffee In Bed ~ Squeeze
8. Trouble ~ Cat Stevens
9. Call Me ~ Blondie
10. Mr. Blue ~ Yaz

Communication let me down

Back in the day, sometime in the 90's, when I first had an internet connection at home * I began trying to find an old friend of mine that I'd lost contact with.  She was my verybestfriend until I moved to California when I was ten.  Unfortunately, her name is pretty common, and not so many people were on line back then, so I couldn't find her.  I checked again maybe two or so years ago, and finally did get an email address for her.  So, I wrote to her and she wrote back and it was nice and we sort of got caught up some.  Until I totally blew it.  She'd just had her second baby and was getting ready to go back to work.  I said, in an email, that I really missed working because being home with the kids meant no coffee breaks and no shopping at target on my lunch hour.  I was trying to kind of make a joke, not to be mean, but because I was having a really hard time being home with the kids and it came out in all sorts of ways.  I said it because I knew how much it broke my heart going back to work when Nate was six weeks old and cried all the time and I was hoping to inject a little humor into the situation. 

What I got was a reply about her really dreading going back to her job, and, I think, about how lucky I am to stay home.  And I am lucky.  Also, I give up A LOT of things to stay home with the kids.**  Then I wrote that we were going to be visiting my grandparents who live about an hour from her house, and I got silence.  I never heard from her again.  I think that if she knew me now, and read that or even if she'd heard me say it over the phone, she'd have known that I wasn't making light of her situation, but that I was saying, in a backhanded way maybe, that I knew what she was doing was really difficult.  Sometimes I see hits in my stats coming from the town where she lives.  So, B, if you are reading this, I'm really sorry for being an asshole and I plan to visit this summer.  I would love to see you and meet your family. 

*Anyone out there remember during the 80's using the modems that you had to put the phone into to use?  You'd set the (what's it called?) earpiece into the cradle and be really quiet so the computer could get on line.  All the little beeps and static were really loud, and you could look up song lyrics in the Library of Congress!  Song lyrics you could never before even guess at like Louie, Louie and Jumping Jack Flash. 

** Haircuts, makeup, new clothes (even from target or old navy), trips, dinner out, decent health care, homeownership, retail therapy, mental therapy, pedicures, massages, chiropractic care, yoga (or any) classes, professional carpet cleaning. . . you get the idea.

more history

I'm slammin' busy, so here's another old post.  It's long and full of poop, like most of my days.

Quicksilver park

We went for a five mile walk around suppertime yesterday.  The big kids were away and Willow wanted to be carried (so. sore. this. morning.) so we didn't make too much noise and saw lots of wildlife.  Deer, of course and a rabbit. 

  M found a tiny caterpillar.

Willow threw rocks into the water and talked to the ducks.

Look at this picture very closely and you'll see a bobcat (!)

forehead measles

forehead measles
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

I was changing Baby 0's diaper after I got the girls out of the bath and Willow wandered in looking like this, compliments of Sophie. That was Friday and it's still there. Click on the photo to see the rest of the job on my flickr page.

Like Baby O's mom said, at least it wasn't a sharpie.

Friday shuffle

I know.  I just did this.  But, but, but, it's NEW!

1. The Tennessee Waltz ~Hem
2. December, 1999 ~ Jolie Holland
3. Flying Shoes ~ Townes Van Zandt
4. y. is here ~ Cat Power
5. You've Got the Moon ~ Josh Ritter
6. There Is A Kingdom ~ Nick Cave
7. Give You My Lovin ~ Mazzy Star
8. Pancho and Lefty ~ Townes Van Zandt
9. Waiting ~ The Devlins
10. Tennessee ~ Arrested Development

Weird symmetry. 

I just watched School of Rock with the boys.  It was SO funny we laughed until we cried.  Lex said, "What are the Ramones??"  Clearly I have work to do.

I can't sleep

so I was looking through the archives on my old blog.  I realized that my life is much easier these days.  Only I didn't know that because I blocked all this shit out.  Really.  I was amazed when I read this stuff.  Here's an example. . .

almost friday shuffle

I know it's only Thursday, but I've been wanting to play along for ages.

1. Lullaby ~ Arco
2. I'm So Lonesome I Could Cry ~ Cowboy Junkies
3. Chance Meeting ~ Roxy Music
4. Under Pressure ~ Queen and David Bowie
5. Snow ~ The Innocence Mission
6. Leavin' On Your Mind ~ Patsy Cline
7. Blister In the Sun ~ Violent Femmes
8. Into My Arms ~ Nick Cave
9. Wings ~ Josh Ritter
10. For All We Know ~ Billie Holiday

Nate and Garter Snake

Nate and Garter Snake
Originally uploaded by Corbie.

John took Nate on a hike yesterday, since it's finally springy here. We plan to all go hiking this weekend but I think all the snakes and other critters in a ten mile radius will be hiding. We are a liitle bit loud.

Sophie's bunny

  Wee Bunny in the garden 
  Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

is finished.  She loves it, even though it came out pretty funny-looking.  I used (for the back) and old onsie that both the girls wore, and it was way stretchy and hard for me to work with.  Her smile is a little crooked.  Really, she's a mix between Mona Lisa, The Wererabbit (from Wallace and Grommit) and there's something that says Homer Simpson to me as well.  The yellow lumpiness, maybe?

pattern here at Wee Wonderfuls

neglecting my family

neglecting my family
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

I did cook them supper, though.

Badger, don't laugh at me!

Can anyone tell me how to link to my blogroll (which will be on another page) in the sidebar.  It's getting too long.  Thanks!  I am a geek in the non-tech way only.  *sigh*

pointykitty 007

  pointykitty 007 
  Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

The photo loaded as "pointykitty 007," so I decided that she's a secret agent.  I did a bit of a crap job sewing on the head, which is why she has a collar/bow with a jingle bell. 

I gave her to Willow.  She'll be toast by tonight, but Willow is loving her so I don't mind. 

Pattern is from WeeWonderfuls.  You'll find it under the "freebies" section.

Time to make Sophie's rabbit.

Why, yes, I AM hitting on you.

If the Easter Bunny left you an egg with 25 bux in it and you want to do something very nice, you can donate to the BlogHer childcare fund to help all the amazing mamas who want to participate this summer.  It'll make you feel really good and will earn you mucho karma payback. 

egg love

egg love
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

for Debra

unfinished Pointy Kitty head
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

I FINALLY found time to use my new sewing machine. It's a teeny little model from sears that just does the basics which is perfect for me. I cut this fabric out in February. *sigh* Can't finish until tomorrow, since I ran out of polyfill and it's Easter. Plus, I am tempted to stuff the head more, but that would be a pain. It is the prototype, after all.

Happy Easter

Hi Ya, Rob

I knew I hadn't been reading blogs like I used to, but I was still surprised to find this one tonight in it's new home.  So, in case I'm not the very last to know, go visit the beloved monster and her dad.  Goodnight and Happy Easter.  (His name for Easter weekend made me laugh out loud.)

EDITED TO ADD:

Ack!  Look at that horrible error up there!  I misused an apostrophe.  I'm going to hell.  Sorry.  "its new home," belonging to it not it is.  SORRY! 

willow

willow
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

I know, I know, with the pictures lately. It's just that this day (April 15)in 2003 was when Willow was due. She was born on February 25, but really, today is her third birthday in terms of her age from conception or however you'd call it. It seems like forever ago when she weighed four pounds and could fit into Sophie's doll's clothes. And now she weighs only two pounds less than Sophie and gets all excited when she sees a "w" in text. She shouts, "That's my NAME!!" Sometimes she stands awkwardly and crosses her legs and says, "I making X!" And every time she does those kinds of things, those little kid things, I think about what a rough start she had and how great she's doing. And I am finally letting myself do all the feeling and worrying that I just couldn't bear to do when she was so tiny.

I guess when she's six or so, I can finish flipping out about her having a seizure and going to the hospital in an ambulance.

Don't Count Your Eggs...

Don't Count Your Eggs...
Originally uploaded by Corbie.

Easter is my very most favorite holiday. I wonder if that has something to do with why I have four children?

The girls colored three 18-packs of eggs yesterday, and then the boys came in whining because they didn't get to color any. (Never mind that they said they didn't want to.) I wasn't about to boil any more eggs, but I have a little hand held pumper thing that will empty out an egg shell through a single hole, and I told the boys they could color some empty shells. That was fun. Sometimes the air pressure built up in the egg and it squirted yolk all over me. And, sometimes the air pressure was just too much, which made a piece of the side of the egg fly off and hit me. In the end, the boys got a shell or two each to color, but I think their real enjoyment was watching me get covered in egg guts and hearing me curse about it.

semantics

The words in this headline and article really get me rankled.  Why could they not say, for instance, "body shape and weight," or "overall body type?"  And there is this unspoken thing going on that since obesity may have a direct genetic link, perhaps some day prospective parents can make sure they have children without those genes.  That is creepier to me than choosing a baby based on sex or hair color. 

Think I'll go read some fat women's blogs.  Happy weekend!

enough camera

willow
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

Every once in awhile, I get the girls (rarely anymore the boys) out and take a zillion photos of them to make up for not taking enough in the months prior. My cousin gave us a new memory card for the camera, so I just kept snapping. More on flickr, just click on the hiding Willow.

Oh, and the sunshine we had today? Helping the SUMP. (and it didn't hurt any when I ordered that refurbished ipod mini this afternoon, either. I'm sorta so happy I could scream or cry. Instead I will go make a late supper for the girls.)

SUMP

I've been in a very foul mood the past few days.  John suggested that since we've had six weeks of rain at the tail end of winter and start of spring, maybe I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).  I told him that maybe I do, although I'm not sad so much as I want to murder everyone.  I have Seasonal Urge to Murder People.  I doubt there's a support group; all the members would just strangle each other.

Baby Mine

I won't bore you with the story of how Willow is now running another fever and both her ears are infected.  But, I will tell you that in the waiting room at the urgent care office, she climbed into my lap and sang the song from Dumbo, "Baby Mine."  And it made me all teary.  And then!  the boys were watching Miracle on 34th St. today (spring break + rain = many many videos) and this mother, she brings her daughter to sit on Santa's lap.  And, she says to Santa, "She's deaf, you don't have to talk to her, she just wanted to sit on your lap."  And Santa, HE KNOWS SIGN LANGUAGE and he talks to her and she signs the words to "Jingle Bells."  That made me cry, too. 

I think I need for all this rain to stop.  Or something. 

I can't explain why I want this so much, but want it I do.
This, too.

Willow wants to go to bed, so we are going to cuddle up.  'Night.

The magical dandelion.

The magical dandelion.
Originally uploaded by Anessa.

Don't'cha love it when you log into flickr and there is some totally random great photo there?

Rocks belong in the water

On Saturday my mom took the three big kids to see a movie (Ice Age 2), and I sent John and Willow to the park.  I wanted to be alone with my robitussin with codeine get a few things done around the house ALONE.  I had a fine time fixing the toilet, cleaning the oven, mopping with my lovely new mop (dude, it has a built in scrub brush!!), and cleaning the kitchen with the help of this great stuff that I finally decided to just shell out for and some pointy toothpicks.   When Sophie came back, she and I got a soapy tub of water and cleaned the five pair of rain boots that had been left outside for a month, or several, because they were too muddy to come in the house.  She originally came out to help me wearing nothing at all, but since it wasn't warm and she's getting a bit long in the tooth for the constant nudity, I sent her back in to get dressed.  She came back in denim shorts, a boy's teeshirt and pink and silver sparkly cowboy boots.   It's hard to explain, but stuff like that is why I like being around kids so much.   That and the fact that they laugh at all my jokes. 

I renewed our Boomerang subscription this week.   I really enjoy listening to it with the boys.  Plus, it makes me look good at parent-teacher conferences when my kids have this unusual knowledge of history and know about people like Anges DeMille, John Brown and Edwin Hubble.  (Jess, I could send you a sample if you want to check it out.)  I love that it's made by kids, for kids, but still expresses some fairly strong and anti-current-government opinions. 

I took the van to the car wash yesterday while all the car seats were out.  I may never let the kids in it again. 

I have loooooved Ayun Halliday since way back when I only had a toddler and a baby and I would lay on the mattress bed on the floor nursing one or two kids while reading the East Village Inky by the dim light coming from the hallway. 

And, now?  Dude, I'm like her PR girl!!  Well, by way of my lurvely friend Mary.  Still, I feel healthier. 

sick

  I am really sick.  Nasty cough, no energy, low grade fever.  I'm putting all my chips on bronchitis, though with all the sweating I'm doing and this headache that's left me wondering who dropped a brick on my head, maybe it's good old pneumonia.  Either way, I'm griping. 

But, I was cheered up by today's mail which brought my Sweetney shirt.  I've had my eye on this little number for some time, and that tax refund seemed like a good excuse to spend a little bit on myownself.  Best of all, the shirt is q u a l i t y and not some iron-on transfer thing like I was fearing.  Here's a closer look:

I took five kids (including Sophie) to Soph's doctor appt this afternoon and our fellow patients looked at me like I was an alien.  They kids were really good in the waiting area, too.  I wish that I'd had my camera, because in the exam room was a beautiful antique cabinet with a baby scale mounted on top that made me miss my M.D. Grandfather who passed away last December.  He probably used something very similar in his practice at some point.  I'll sneak a photo next time. 

Sophie is taking amoxicillin for her ear infection, the boys are FINALLY mostly better, and Willow seems okay; though last night she did cry that her ear hurt. 

I think that since all this typing has worn me out I will go get in the tub with the girls.  Then I'm downing some nyquil cough medicine and letting someone else get up with the kids tonight. 

Complain much?

Okay.  Things have gone from bad to ridiculous around here.  Sophie has an ear infection and I can't get her into a doctor until tomorrow unless we go to the hospital emergency room.  She isn't writhing on the floor in pain or anything, and I'm dosing her with motrin, so that will have to do.  Willow sounds like she has croup.  Lex woke up and barfed AGAIN.  Nate, currently my favorite child, is at school.  I need to go pick him up.  If I can stop coughing long enough to drive that is. 

The Barf Goes On. . .

I don't generally run a fever; when I do, it knocks me for a loop.  Like, right now, for instance.  Just wanted to pop in and say that Willow is fine.  Thanks a bunch for all the sweet well-wishes.  I told her that people all over the place were checking in to see how she was feeling.  She said that the ambulance ride and hospital visit were very scary, but that last night's doctor visit was "nice." 

I need to go microwave something that the kids can call dinner.  Except Lex, who can't seem to keep anything down today.  Here's a helpful tip which I hope you never need to make use of:  if someone barfs freshly-chewed banana, and bread and butter (it was his Breakfast.  sorry.) all over the carpet and you are left wondering how in the hell to get the banana fiber out of the carpet while trying not to hurl your morning coffee on top of the mess, try using one of those stiff vegetable scrubber brushes and a pan of warm, dr bronner's soapy water.  Then, all you have to do is buy a new scrubber brush.  Or, use it to wash vegetables for the kids who are being horrid. 

Can I call in sick tomorrow?  Please?

Sickness! Drama! Intrigue!

Well, things are never, ever boring here at the NotCalm household.  Willow added on to her already impressive medical history last night by having a febrile seizure.  She was feverish, so I gave her a dose of ibuprofen (the tylenol hadn't brought it down earlier) and within a few seconds of that, she began shaking.  All afternoon she said that she felt like she was going to throw up, so at first I thought that was what was happening.  When I saw that she was having a seizure, I moved us from the couch to the floor and held her in my lap, face down.  John called 911, while I completely lost my usual calm-in the-face-of-terror skills.  Her entire body, including all her facial muscles, were twitching and seizing so violently that she was drooling, foaming at the mouth, and unable to breathe.  Her eyes rolled back in her head and she was completely non-responsive to my voice. 

I thought that she was going to die in my arms. 

On the advice of the dispatcher, I put her down on her side.  I think the seizure lasted about seven minutes, and even after the major part of it had passed, she twitched and couldn't talk to us.  The fire department came first, then the paramedics.  By the time everyone arrived, she was laying quietly on her back, breathing and obviously exhausted.  They had John get her car seat, and then put her car seat on the gurney.  She rode in the back of the ambulance, I rode up front, and John followed us.