Not Calm (dot com)

It's all good

I'm going to spend Saturday cleaning up around here as much as possible so that Sunday I can spend a little quality time with my new toy. 

This is very exciting.  And, the newest EVI came in the mail today.  And, and, and!!  the tax refund showed up in the bank account, by magic!! direct deposit.  AND my first box of organic fruit and veggies was on the doorstep when we came home from school!  The kids were flipping out, especially the girls, who ran around screeching "veggies veggies!!!"  The boys said to me, "Mom, can we have some fruit and vegetables, please?"  I'm keeping an eye out for the cracked boy-sized pod husks. 

March

goes out like a lamb?????  Not at my house.  This morning I did not get to go to the gym because Willow woke up when I did (around 5:15) and fussed and wouldn't go back to sleep until after 6, which is too late for me to leave.  Then, Lexy ran to the bathroom to barf in the toilet, but there was a thoroughly foul bowlful of diarrhea in the toilet that his brother neglected to flush, so he just got on his hands and knees and hurled all over the bathroom floor. 

This all happened before 7:30 am.

All four kids are here today, plus poor BabyO.  I'm just keeping him in his carseat carrier on top of the fridge so no one breathes on him.  He seems to like the vibration when the cooler thing runs.  Sophie really wants to go to school, but I am not going to take her.  She's not as sick as the rest, but she's got a touch of this flu and I don't want to load up the van with five kids who may erupt from either end at any time.  That's too much excitement for me. 

I'm going to go get some barfy towels and poopy underpants washed while BabyO sleeps, the girls play with their castle, Nate plays Zelda, and Lexy watches The Rocketeer. 

This weekend the big kids will be with their dad for the first time in a few weeks (he was away for work), and I plan to catch up on my blog reading.  I'm ashamed of what an exciting prospect that is for me. 

If you have any extra cash, I vote you send some here. 

The Grossest Story

I really felt like I needed to post about what just happened, about what I just had to clean up, but I deleted it because it was far too disgusting.  Instead, I will relate some lighthearted (and shit-free) stories about Willow.

I have this pit bull of a stomach virus. There is a lot of PAIN along with the barf and the queasy.  (Uh, the story about the brimstone shit everywhere wasn't about me. Except for the role of "the cleaner.")  Anyhow, around lunchtime on Monday, I was really hungry.  Nothing sounded good, but I thought I could handle one of the vegan trail mix cookies from Trader Joe's.  Willow saw mine and demanded one.  I told her I thought she wouldn't like it, and broke off a piece for her.  No.  She wanted a whole one, which I gave to her.  She took a small bite, handed me back the cookie and told me straight up, "Mama.  These are for DOGS!"

Damn.  I forgot the other story.  I only remember that it was good.  Too bad.  Willow hasn't been feeling well, and when she feels bad she asks for a bubble bath.  When she was ready to get out, she said, "Mama, will you take care-a-me?"  I said, "Sure," and wrapped her in a towel and picked her up.  She wriggled and cried to get down, so I set her down.  "Please, take care-a-me," she cried.  This went back and forth for a few minutes, until I told her that I didn't know what she wanted.  Finally, I picked her up again, and she twisted herself in my arms until I was holding her cradled like a newborn.  "Now you take care-a-me," she said, and rubbed her cheek into my chest and sighed. 

I must get some rest so I can try and get to the gym in four hours or so.  I may just use the exercise bike so I can strap a tupperware bowl to the handlebars in case of a relapse. 

One good thing

about having the stomach flu is that when I was finally more able to be upright for a little bit today I was able to sort of catch up on my blog reading without feeling too guilty about the dishes and laundry and whatnot.  Speaking of run on sentences. . . Jo has a(nother) fabulous idea for bumperstickers.  This story made me get all teary, so I'm going to go lay down for a while longer while the kids play. 

Woolfcamp

This morning we buckled everyone into the van and headed to Squid's house to catch up with Jo and some other woolfcampers. 

(lots of photos, so I'll tuck it back here to be less of a nusiance)

Bright-Eyed

Bright-Eyed
Originally uploaded by Corbie.

Invasion Of The Teletubbies

Invasion Of The Teletubbies
Originally uploaded by Corbie.

Hello, my name is lame ass

A few weeks ago I stopped to get gas at the cheap-o gas station.  I made an idiot out of myself, which is easy to do even on a good day; although in all fairness, that day I blamed the rotten robbie empire.  (Do you have Rotten Robbie in your state?  We love the RR around here.)  They have these big signs over the pump stations that say something about "LONG HOSES; FUEL FROM EITHER SIDE."  The graphic on the sign shows some little car getting gas, parked with the gas tank side away from the pump and the long hose stretched, effortlessly, to the other side.  The happy stick figure customer refuels, without a problem, and motors off on her merry way. 

Except, of course if you have a big old minivan.  See, there was only one opening, because the cheap gas place is popular when gas is nine hundred and fifty seven dollars a drop.  I saw the opening and went for it, even though there wasn't room to maneuver the van to make the gas tank side be on the pump side.  Because, the sign said it would be okay!  Either side!!!  Refueling!!!

But, I assumed that the sign meant me, when really it was only for everyone else.  I tried several times to squinch closer to the pump, but it became clear after several tries that it was not going to be a go, Houston.  Then I had to cancel out my transaction, find a place to turn around, and get to another pump.  Did I mention the shrieking kids??  In the back of the car?? Freaking right out because they thought we were going to leave without the promised M&M's??  Yeah.  I want to forget that part.

Finally, I did it.  I got gas!  And there were more parts to the story; painfully embarrassing things that illustrate my wretched driving skills.  That day, while driving away from the gas station, I called home and left a message on the machine to remind myself to blog about my little misadventure.  I said, "Lame ass gets gas!" 

I never wrote that post, but I was reminded of my superior lame-assness tonight while I tried to put a graphic in the sidebar that would link to a survey I'd like to gently implore you to take.  It's a little personal, but a lot anonymous. 

HERE IT IS.  I CAN LINK IT WITH TEXT, NO PROBLEM!!

Taking the survey will be fairly quick, faster than getting gas even if you do it perfectly right the first time.  It's for a good cause (ME!  I'm good!) and will lead to something that will inspire me to write better quality posts, hopefully.  Today I was the mystery blog at Paper Napkin.  And I am SO grateful for the link love, and also SO sad about the quality of my little current slice here.  b o r i n g !!  Boring with bacon, but boring nonetheless.  Uh, please fill out the survey!  Especially those of you who lurk but never comment.  Please.  Thank you.  That is all. 

plum tree blossom

plum tree blossom
Originally uploaded by Jen and John.

I love this tree in our backyard. It blooms around the same time every year, and it was flowering when Willow came home from the NICU after she was born.

Nate NEEDS to go to the cartoon network. . back later. . .

Baconhead

Baconhead
Originally uploaded by Corbie.

Sophie. What can I say? Here she is, in all her glory. Willow had a couple of impressive barfing episodes yesterday, so she and I slept on the couch. I covered it with two sheets and kept a big tupperware bowl and a roll of paper towels on the floor just in case, but all she did was sleep.

I've been getting to the gym and running every morning while everyone here sleeps. It's so good for me, and I am shocked to find that I look forward to it. I enjoy it. I'm up to 2.6 miles, and increasing my distance and time every day.

Time to go wragle the girls; they are running around naked after their bubble bath.

blogher mamas

Blogher is investigating the possibility of having on-site child care this summer at the conference.  In order to figure out what to provide, they have set up a survey.  Please let them know what you need!

I'm a runner!

I admit I felt a little bit proud of myself this morning at 5:30 when I started up the van to go to the gym.  John found me in the girl's bed at 5:15, and I got right up and dressed.  We only have one alarm clock and there is no telling what bed I'll wake up in when the morning arrives, so

okay, it's six hours later now so I'll finish this post. . .

I just set the one in our room and hoped I'd be there in the morning.  Maybe tomorrow.  Anyhow, I got to the gym at 5:40 and the parking lot was crowded!  I went inside and was SHOCKED to see somewhere between 80 and 100 people working out.  At five fucking forty a.m.!!!  I had no idea this sub-culture existed.  Suddenly, I felt like a slacker, because my mom, SHE gets to the gym at 4:30.  IN THE MORNING.  And, she told me it starts to get crowded around 5:30, but I didn't know she meant crowded, crowded. 

I'm planning to go back tomorrow.  Because running every morning is cheaper and better for me than antidepressants.  And even though we owe lots of family members, in fact -- people who read this very page -- lots of money, when the tax refund comes, I am getting this.  In white.  Because I need it. 

I have a plan

for tomorrow that begins with getting up at 5:15 in the morning and going to the gym to run before anyone here wakes up.  I figured if I blogged that I was going to do it, maybe I really will do it.  Wish me luck.  It hurts already.

for jen b!

The boys haven't had haircuts in many months.  Now that the play is over with, I decided to take them to the barber.  But, they both really like their long hair, especially Nate, who refused to get even his bangs trimmed. 

Lex agreed to take a little off. So we all sat and watched him.  The girls played on the hairy barbershop floor, while I tried not to throw up.  If I even think about myself or anyone else having HAIR in their mouth, I puke.

By this time, the girls had helped themselves to lollipops and were climbing on all the empty barber chairs.  Luckily, no one minded.  And here is where the camera stopped working again.  So there are no photos of the ice cream store visit.  Which was messy and funny and very photographable.  I kept count, and I was asked SEVEN times if all those kids were mine.  I think that I'll get one of those personalized zip up sweatshirts that says YES, THEY ARE ALL MINE.

Now the camera works

A Moment
Originally uploaded by Corbie.

but yesterday it wouldn't, so there are no more photos of the boys from their play. They both gave fun performances, and it seemed like all the kids had a really good time. I promised a review, but I'm not going to deliver. Not now, anyway. I'm too sleepy.

It's all snowy in the hills around here, which is unusual and beautiful. Also, cold.

Too sleepy to continue. . .

my stars

Hooray

for the super-funny poop story!

I think I'll wait until after the Saturday show to post my review of the play.  My boys did really well; I was very proud of them.  There were some problems with the sound (to put it nicely) that really detracted from the overall experience.  Maybe I'll be able to say much nicer things after tomorrow!  If I can get the camera to work (!) I'll download the couple of photos I took.  I guess the technical difficulty thing is going around. . .

I'm rich!

A couple of not ordinary things happened to me today.  Soph went to play at a friend's house and the mom asked beforehand if I minded if she left the girls with her babysitter while she went to pick up her older daughter.  I know the mom well enough to know she wouldn't leave her children with a total knucklehead, so I said it was fine.  She said that the babysitter was a he and was I okay with that.  Absolutely, I said.  That's fine.  I went to get Soph at 4, and no one was home.  Then the next door neighbor (whom I'd never met) pulled up and said to me, I don't think they are home.  To which I said, Yes, you are right.  I'm here to pick up my daughter.  Oh, Sophie?  he asked.  They went to the school to the playground. 

I thought that was where they might be, so we walked on down to meet them.  The girls were with the babysitter, who turned out to be an older (maybe in his 60's?) man.  He saw us come in and say hello to the girls and asked if I was Sophie's mom.  I said yes, and he asked if all those kids were mine.  Yes.  They are all mine.  Three are yours?  No, four, I said.  And he said,

You are rich with children!  You are so blessed!

Do you know that is the first person I can think of who has had a genuinely positive response when they find out I have four kids?  Usually I get looked down at, asked if I know where babies come from (you think!?), or get some version of the are ALL those kids YOURS? question.  So, that was really nice and it made me appreciate my kids a little more since at the moment they were, well, mostly horrible, truth be told.  Later on I took a big stick away from Willow when I was buckling her into her carseat, and she screamed at me furiously, tried to bite me like a shark with her mouth open and reaching for me and her head thrashing.  Then, she grabbed a big fistful of my hair, bringing us nose to nose so she could scratch my face and she shrieked at me GIMME ME STIIIIIIICK NOWWWWWW!  I HATE YOUUUUUUU!  And, really, I laughed at her and said NO WAY, BABY!  and thought that he is right.  I am rich with children.  In the way that sometimes gives you gout if you aren't careful.

The second thing that occurred has to do with my

///////////////

Hooray!  The puking has ceased.  Really, it wasn't bad at all.  Lex stayed feverish for a couple of days, but he seems better so I sent him back to school.  Now Nate is home with all sorts of bubbling green snot pouring out his head.  Such fun.  oolkpiujk

hmmm Sophie was here while I went to help Nate.  Is that Dutch? 

The play that the boys are in is opening this week.  You think I'm using lofty language, but really, they have been practicing since October, the sets are super cool (made by some of the families at the school who have contractors and construction workers as parents) and the costumes are way better than I imagined they would have been.  Lex is a pirate, so he has a custom made muslin piratey looking shirt; really billowy, ties at the neck, puffy sleeves.  I stained it in tea, rubbed some mud on it, and then made giant pit-stains with coffee.  It's wadded up in the corner, getting nice and wrinkly for the show.  Wait till you see a picture of that boy with black eyeliner and a fake beard.  My kid, he's totally hot.  And Nate is only in first grade, so I'll say he looks really handsome in his suede-like Indian suit.  I may not think too highly of my own self, but damn, I have some fine looking kids. 

However, one of them is standing next to me, whining and threatening me if I don't get up RIGHT NOW.  So, off I go.

yuck

All the kids are barfing.  Except for Nathan, who is at school.  I am just waiting for the call. . .

question

Still working on things.  Have no clue what I am doing!  Does it still take forever to load? 

fyi

I have to work on some template things so it will look wonky here for a bit.

I should have seen this coming

I wouldn't have spent my half hour alone today blogging and then standing at the kitchen counter eating an apple with peanut butter for lunch if I had known that when I picked Willow up Miss T was going to say that she was a handful and probably not going to be able to be in the class.  They will give her a couple more tries, but she is a good six months younger than the minimum age and she is acting so very three years old lately. 

Oh well.  There's always this fall. . .

momentous occasion

All four of my children are in school right now.  It would be eerie if it weren't so lovely.  I don't know what to do with myself.  Sleep?  Knit?  Read?  Clean up the house?  I guess it won't be anything much, since I have to leave in fifteen minutes to pick up the boys' play costumes.  But still *right now* I am in the house alone.  Maybe I'll go take a ten minute power nap.