Not Calm (dot com)

I could kiss whomever came up with the daylight savings time idea.  The kids were all asleep by 9 pm, and it's Halloween.  They had a shitload of candy and by all rights should be spazzing around poking each other and shrieking.  BUT THEY ARE ASLEEP!!  Yay for the end of daylight savings time!  Bliss.

We've been busy.  I didn't even turn on the computer today.  Which was nice, because when I took a three minute break here and there today it meant I knit a row or two instead of read an email or blog.  I love both.  Sometimes one more than the other. 

We went to the county hospital early this morning for Willow's eye exam.  I took Soph, but the boys were at school.  The doctor there is very kind.  We have seen him a few times over the last almost two years.  Today he suggested that we try patching Willow's eyes (alternately, not together, duh) for the next six weeks to see if it helps her keep her focus.  (backstory is that when she was one, she was hospitalized with SEVERE anemia and had some neurological regression in the eye dept.  Both her eyes are "lazy" when she's sick or tired and they drift.  The right more than the left, but both are affected.  The worry is that her vision will be compromised at some point if either of her eyes becomes too weak to hold its own.  So far, she seems to have good vision, so no glasses.  Hopefully she will outgrow this.)  Our other pedi ophthalmologist, the one I have known since 1991 and LOVE, died last month.  I'm so sad.  So sad by that.  He was the sweetest man.  It was like if Mr. Rogers (in the most positive way; I love Mr. Rogers) were an eye doctor.  The kids loved him dearly, and the adults, too.  He is very missed by so many families, I'm sure.

Anyhow, our other doctor never had us use patching because he felt like the percentage of children helped by patches was so close to the percentage who got better without treatment (it's around 10%) that it wasn't really a worthwhile effort.  And it is an effort with a 2 and a half year old.  But, who knows?  It could help and I would be wrong not to try if this doc wants us to.  We will try.  He suggested I aim for 4-6 hours per day.  He helpfully suggested that I do it during a time when I could play with her a lot to distract her.  But he also has a three year old and realized exactly how funny that statement was. 

Halloween was fun, I suppose.  Different from when I was little.  Certainly too rushed for us this year.  We carved pumpkins on the porch after school.  While the kids carved, I hand-fed them some cheese pizza.  Then I hurriedly washed and dressed them so they could go with their step mom to her friend's haunted house and to trick or treat at their dad's.  I have to say that my children have the coolest and best step mom ever.  Ever.  I am unspeakably grateful for that.

When the big kids came back, we put our big bowl of candy on the front porch, trick or treated around the block some (hardly anyone was around, and we were the only kids they had) and then drove over to my mom and step dad's house.  The kids jumped around and played and we visited for a short bit before coming home to baths and bed BY 9 OCLOCK!  Whoo hoo!  Here are a bunch of photos of our day.  Hope you had a happy one, too.  And hope your sugar hangover isn't too wicked. 

spidey sense

This post by Derek is very interesting.  Especially if you are a coffee drinker.  In my case, I think it explains a lot.  Time to go pick up all the kids.

Happy Anniversary!

Have you ever seen a sight as beautiful
As that of the rain-soaked purple
Of the white birch in spring?

Have you ever felt more fresh or wonderful
Than on a warm fall night
Under a mackerel sky,
The smell of grapes on the wind?

Well I have known all these things
And the joys that they can bring
And I’ll share them all for a cup of coffee
And to wear your ring

Have you ever had the pleasure of watching
A quiet winter’s snow slowly gathering
Like simple moments adding up?

Have you ever satisfied a gut feeling
To follow a dry dirt road that’s beckoning you
To the heart of a shimmering summer’s day?

Well I have known all these things
And the joys that they can bring
And I’ll share them all for a cup of coffee
And to wear your ring

And I don’t know how I survived those days
Before I held your hand
Well I never thought that I would be the one
To admit that the moon and the sun
Shine so much more brighter when
Seen through two pairs of eyes than
When seen through just one

Have you ever seen a sight as beautiful
As a face in a crowd of people
That lights up just for you?

Have you ever felt more fresh or wonderful
As when you wake
By the side of that boy or girl
Who has pledged their love to you?

Well I have known all these things
And the joys that they can bring
And now every morning there’s a cup of coffee
And I wear your ring

Cowboy Junkies, Anniversary Song

Happy Anniversary, John, I love you. 

sigh of relief

egg eyeballs

for any desperate overworked classroom coordinator out there:

boil and peel eggs
take out yolks
fill space with whipped cream cheese
add olives with pimentos
draw on veins with red food coloring and toothpicks, if you can.  didn't work for me, though

kids love it because it's gross, and parents will eat them, cause they are tasty!

more sophie insults

Because a couple of you have asked for them:

• monkey underwear pee cheese
• mustard butt hotdog

Darn, I can't remember any others.  I did dial it down on the coffee today, though, so hopefully I will not be in complete orbit.  We almost all have a cold here.  Nate nearly skipped out on his field trip to the pumpkin patch today he was feeling so bad when he woke up.  I dosed him with children's sudafed and dressed him warmly and talked him into going.  I will have to get hot chocolate ingredients when I'm out later to pamper everyone after school. 

The trees in front have been giving us a steady collection of leaves for our "leeb pi-oh," as Willow calls the leaf pile.  The other day when I was raking with the girls (and they scatter again faster than I can rake, so it's either be zen or get frustrated) we could smell that someone had their fireplace going and we could hear the jr. high marching band practicing.  It was such a good fall moment.  I stopped to breathe it all in and the girls pelted me with arm fulls of leaves.  This is my favorite time of year by far. 

Tomorrow is my third wedding anniversary.  John has to work tomorrow night, so maybe we'll do something this weekend.  I suggested that as a gift to each other we have someone come out and make the fireplace operational again.  A romantic gift to last all winter!  Cause we do not need more stuff.  We are still trying to get rid of stuff and losing the battle. 

I got the first of my Christmas shopping done and I'm making a gift.  I ordered these skirts for the girls, and they are even cuter in person than they are in the photo.  I even received a little adorable cd folder, too!  Many thanks to the wonderful Jennifer at Textile Fetish!

Time to go help Sophie make paper dolls for show and tell.

another cup? sure!

Here's the apple tree I made last month for one of Sophie's friends.  There were little finger puppets with it; a raccoon and a squirrel I think.  There's a shadow covering the fork of the trunk, but it is there.  I had to keep making the top smaller and sewing in more of the trunk to it, because it flopped over.  The first version was much more apple tree looking.  Learn by doing.

The trunk is from an old pair of Nate's cords and the top is fabric from my mom's stash.  I think she stained the gingham with tea when she was using it to make antique dolls in the 80's.  If memory serves.  I want to finish my current knitting project this week so I can sew this weekend while the big kids are gone. 

I didn't drink more coffee than usual today, but I'm totally in space.  I need someone to come talk me down.  Maybe it's just the coffee mixed with the cold I'm trying to get.  I wish I could call a mom sub in to do my job today.  I'd rather have access to a mom sub a few times a year instead of a tax refund.  You know, as long as they didn't send someone from the actual government.  Wow.  Could you imagine how well my kids would treat me forever if they had to spend a day with Icky Cheeseney or someone horrible?  See??? I told you I'm all weird and spacey.  I don't even make sense to myownself.  Now I have to drive to the school and get the boys from play practice.  Must not be late. 

for jenb ~ now with added farm!

Here are some pictures for jenb.  I will put up more when we are back from the farm tonight.  Will keep eyes open for cute babies, horses and flowers.

magic cubbies

I found this neat trick over at Little Birds, and she tells where she found it, and she tells where she found it!

Our weekend is freakishly overscheduled.  I'm putting good money on myself as the first family member to get overstimulated and have a meltdown.  We will see.

#^$&*@! video game!!

At the crack of crack when it was still dark out, Nate came and found me and woke me up.  "MOM," he whisper-shouted, "if I keep the volume down low, can I play the Staaar Warz game?  PLEASE?" 

I told him to see what time it was.  It was five till five.  AM!!!  I sent him back to bed, and he grumbled at me the whole way.  I didn't have the heart to tell him that if he thought about it harder, he'd have figured that he could have just done as he liked and let me sleep.  He came in to ask if he could play yet about eighty seven more times until it was finally okay at 7 a.m.  I was so so so so sorry that we bought that game.  I'm really tired.  I may even go to bed at a reasonable hour. 

cubby love (with too many parenthetical comments)

I'll take photos soon, but first I need to finish assembling.  Just wanted to tell the world that I am the happy owner of FIVE cubbies now.  Two for the boys, in their room, and three for the entryway.  Maybe I will never trip over another backpack or stinky pair of tennies again!  I know I'm odd about this, but cut me some slack, I hardly ever get out.  Cubbies are high priority for me.

John already related this, but I have to as well.  At bedtime the boys were playing this new stahr warrrs game Nate bought at tarjay with his money, some money I owed him, (part back-allowance and part payback for  today's lunch money, Mama had NO cash and couldn't be bothered to go to the bank with the girls) and a little bit more.  You have a little light saver (as the boys both say) and you get to battle with bad guys (I haven't seen it yet, dunno if it's new or old skool characters) with their light savers on your tv!  I'd have looooooved that when I was little.  It seems really cool.  But, the story is this:

I was in bed with the girls, nursing Willow and reading several of the Beatrix Potter books (Tom Kitten, the one about the patty pan, and one other I forget and it's too dark in there to check ~ aren't I helpful?) to both of them.  Sophie said she had to pee, but Willow didn't want to get up.  Sophie went alone, and she used to wipe herself, but lately, she's forgotten how.  After a few moments I hear her calling.  "Mama?"  Then, "Papa?"  I call out, "SOPHIE!!  Wipe yourself!!" 

Another minute goes by.  "Papa??  Mama??"
I call again, "SOPHIE WIPE YOURSELF!"
Pause. 
"Mama??"
Willow stops nursing, sits up and yells "SOPHIE! WIPE YOU SELF!!"
Then lays back down to nurse. 

After I stop laughing, I ask John to please go help Sophie.  He was right there watching the boys do light saver battle.  He walks into the bathroom and I hear this conversation:
John: Why are there goldfish crackers all over the floor, Sophie????
Sophie: Because!  They were in my pants!!

This would be funnier if you knew beforehand that she was wearing thermal undies for pjs, and had no pockets.  She literally stuffed goldfish crackers in her pants.  Lord knows why, it's not like I only give her a few at a time or anything to justify her stockpiling them in her knickers. 

One more thing:

After Willow fell asleep, I went with Sophie into the boys' room.  We do this often; Willow sleeps alone, and those three sleep like puppies in one bed.  We listened to the last few chapters of EB White reading Charlotte's Web.  (Santa has to bring that on cd to our house this year.  I put it on my amazon wish list and everything.  Strangely, MY wish list is all stuff I want to get for the kids.  I need to fix that.)  The last few chapters are so sweet and well done.  I love love love EB White, his essays are excellent.  Listening to him read is so wonderful.  Lexy wanted me to cuddle with him after the story was over, because he was a little sad (but, as he pointed out, not nearly as sad as the first time we read it), and I made him go brush his teeth.  He came back smelling better, and we cuddled for a while before I got up to take my millions of pills (I am on WAY too many medications right now.  Ick.) and all that.  That child is as big as me.  I was thinking about the story and about how every spring, or year, he is really a new child.  Kinda like the new baby spiders showing up every year.  Because the Lexy now at nine is so very different in radical ways from the little thing he was nine years ago in his first year.  I was going to say something about how Charlotte could never be replaced in Wilbur's heart, even though he dearly loved all her children and grandchildren, and about that first year with a new baby being sort of separate and magical compared to the other years (I realize that this only applies to me and a few other folk, I think most people like their kids older better, or do they?  I have no clue.) BUT I was starting to make myself nauseous with the sappy analogy and I would like some people to come back later to see photos of my assembled and arranged cubbies!

I love that bullseye so much I'm teary

I got something wonderful today.  Something I've been wanting and thinking about for over a year.  I went to tarjay, for diapers to get out of the house, and there at the end of an aisle, marked down to $4.98 each!!!!!! were three boxes of you-assemble-it CUBBIES!!  My heart started beating really fast as I read over the measurements on the box.  16x16x16.  Would that be big enough, I wondered?  I opened up an already opened box and slid out one of the pieces and thought hard about the size of our backpacks and decided that YES BY GOD I FINALLY AM GOING TO HAVE CUBBIES AND FOR LESS THAN TWENY BUCKS!

You just don't know how much I have thought about this.  I finally decided that I would go to home despot and get lumber and make them, but as D told me, I knew it would be expensive.  Several times, I have fallen asleep at night thinking about cubbies.  It was awful.  Now the problem is that I bought the only three they had, and didn't have time to go to the other store for more (oh tomorrow, I will, I will go) and one of the three I bought has no hardware.  So I need to exchange one and buy as many more as I can find.  That moment, of seeing the cubbies there, in all their perfect cheapness, it was right up there with the other revelation I had this week: 

Next spring, if Willow is potty savvy, I can put both the girls in the preschool program that Nate and Sophie did at a local high school child development program.  It meets twice a week for about ten weeks, and only costs something like thirty bucks.  For three hours each time.  Oh wow.  If it works out, I can grocery shop, take care of van issues, sew, clean the house, go to costco.  And Tarjay, mustn't ever forget Tarjay!

Miss Hairdresser ~ updated!

This is one of those cases where the photo doesn't do justice to the subject.  Sophie was making a glitter glue and construction paper collage, using kid scissors.  I guess that wasn't creative enough for her.  Sigh.  We are off to the local kid haircut place.  I hope that they can give her a cute little Louise Brooks bob.  You can't tell in the pictures, but there is STUBBLE on the back of her head. 

We are back from the salon.  I'm not thrilled with parts of it, but I think I can clean it up.  I want to wash it first and see how it looks.  If she hadn't cut the side so short, she would have had a cute A-line bob, but the chunk missing out of the side wrecked it.  I guess I will cut off my hair next. 

It looks pretty good in those pictures, but the other side is sorta loopy and you can see a bald spot in the back.  It could have been MUCH worse, I know.  I'm just going to miss her cute little braids.

Twenty Random Facts (about me)

Still Life has tagged me for this one.  Hers are much more interesting than mine.  That is due in small part to my audience.  Heh.

1. I hate the Beach Boys' music (I'm sure they are nice and all, though).
2. I have never been to New York City.
3. I skipped kindergarten.
4. I dropped out of college.  I think I was a senior.  I try not to think about it too much.
5. I hate to drive. 
6. I love to drive really fast alone in a sports car when the road is flat and open and not crowded.
7. I had a miscarriage.
8. Sometimes I put potato chips IN my sandwich.
9. I have a separate depression category for Six Feet Under being over. 
10. I used to be an almost compulsive shopper.
11. Now I have a really hard time buying clothes and other non-grocery items.
12. I always wear a slip under my skirt or dress.
13. I love having a little baby, and I'm sad now that the last one is big.
14. I love the ocean, and it scares the hell out of me.  Especially when I am there with my babies.
15. I cry probably more than most people.
16. I am recently very disappointed in my parenting skills.
17. I have been breastfeeding for 9 years and three days.  STRAIGHT.
18. Same goes for having a child in diapers.
19. I think I could have been a passable character actress.
20. I don't care what other people think but I worry about it anyway. 

Let's see.  I will tag Elayne, (sorry, I know you hate me now.  good thing I'm too far away for you to smack.heh), Shannon (you know that box of stuff.  It has finally made it to the van.  I have no excuse.  I am horrible.  Someday it will arrive, and I hope that that is the day you need it.), Katie and Eve.  Of course, everyone is free to play along.

Pig jelly soap breath

Sophie was feeling extra creative when we played our funny name-calling game today.  Here are some of the funnier ones:

• grasshopper butt
• peanut water
• monkey marble sandwich
• egg jump house
• basket tongue
• closet butt toy (can't wait for the google search hits on that one)
• smelly chicken underwear
• horse butt wipe
• cheese booger butt head

And, my favorite,

• pig jelly soap breath

(These are pretty much just funny to me, I think, but I do need a good place to store them.)

Mom, I apologize for the pictures in advance

Meet the burmese python.  Kids (lots of kids have met this snake) always ask John what its name is, and he always says that he didn't name it because it won't come when it's called.  I have had dreams of this snake breaking out of its cage, chasing me down the hall to my bedroom, and then after I'm safe inside, I see that it is hitting the door so hard it's bending in the middle.  SKA-AIR-IEEE

Here are photos from Lexy's birthday hike, which was probably the best kid's party I've ever put on.  John took the kids and a few adults on a hike while I sat on my ass talking to my cousin and his girlfriend and ate this great sweet, salty, nut trail mix thing from trader joe's.  Nate saw a snake, which John caught, and they checked out some bullfrogs, and a Jerusalem cricket.  I didn't get a photo of the party favors, which were made of 16 different colored bandannas, each tied around a ziplock bag of trail mix (heavy on the chocolate chips), a tiny compass, and a little harmonica.  I put them all in a big shallow basket.  I felt like Martha, just for a moment.  Lots of the kids tied theirs to sticks, and walked around like tiny hobos who shop at gaaap kidz.  When you see the pictures of my kids, keep in mind that I am very ashamed to have unintentionally created a sort of free ad for that store and the more affordable Oldde Navie.  It's just what was clean, and in Willow's case, what was warmest that fit.  Thank the universe that people actually listened when I said to get him books!  He got tons of them and a totally space age book light from my mom.  (hint to Mom: christmas + me = booklight!)  He has been out of my hair ever since.  He got lots of cool toys, too. 

Family to Family

Grace and her posse have set up another wonderful relief blog for Katrina victims.  Family to Family  Please help however you are able, even if that just means getting the word out to others.  Post the information about this site at your church, school, health food store bulletin board, your gym; wherever. 

Thanks!

me mE ME ME ME Me me

here's the google meme that all the cool kids, like Jess and Tracey, are doing

Jenifer needs to stay out of foul trouble
Jenifer needs to examine her heart
Jenifer needs to sign it 
But Jennifer is so beautiful and stunning....do you know if she needs a pool-boy? (yeah, that one was about jennifer love hewitt, but I'll steal it)
Jenifer needs the spot kept warm (har har, that is about basketball. out of the gutter, you!)
Jenifer needs to find the right producer
Jenifer needs to understand
Jenifer needs To do some hard core promoting
Jenifer needs money NOW
Jenifer needs additional support in The hospital,
Jenifer needs 10 more points on The Scholastic Assessment
Test
Jenifer needs to help Keven with his bugspray


So, google your name with the word "needs" and see what you get.  Google is sorta psychic.  But I don't know this Keven person. 

Back later on with tales and photos of successful birthday party.  I told Soph that we are going to Granny's tomorrow to celebrate her aunt and brother's birthdays.  She said, "Are you going to leave me there so you can go and eat something somewhere with some people?"  No.  Not this time.  But now that you mention it. . . 

meet Gwendolyn

There's the obvious reason I blog, which is that I never. ever. shut up.  Really.  Tonight at Trader Joe's I ran into a very dear old friend I haven't seen in two years.  Driving home I was just appalled that the whole conversation was about ME.  I just go on and on.  And then on some more.  But, beyond my need to ramble beyond belief, I love the online journaling world for the incredible people I get to "meet" that I wouldn't otherwise know.   There are several people in the list over to your left there  who are coping with some huge things that most of us don't deal with directly.  And they do it with humor and without whining.  They do it with a strength and grace that I don't think I'd possess if I were faced with the things they have to shoulder.  So, it's Saturday.  Go fix your favorite cup of tea or coffee or hot chocolate, get a big stack of kleenex and meet Gwendolyn.  You'll certainly be better for it.

glad I didn't have breakfast yet

Willow just walked up to me with her finger in her nose.  Then the finger went from nostril to mouth.  She paused a moment, looked at me and said, "I eat nose!" 

"Ewwwww, yicky!" I said, "Don't do that, please."

She did it again, then said, "Ummmm, yum!"

I'm going to go get her some chocolate and teach her about yum.

Names Sophie called me today:

• cheese underwear
• cheese factory head
• cow nursie chicken teeth
• toilet head

But it's all part of a probably very misguided on my part game that we play.  So it was okay.

spoons!

These are the best lights ever!

Better late

If your name starts with a K and I owe you a birthday gift, don't click on the "continue reading" link.  Otherwise, click to see what I FINALLY finished making today.

24 hours ago

we were still in the emergency room with Miss Willow.  She is fine.  Last night around ten or so while we were watching Oh Brother Where Art Thou? she woke up.  Generally, I let her cry it out for a few and she goes back down.  But last night, John said that maybe we should check on her.  She was sitting up in the dark, gasping to breathe.  She sounded like she was breathing through oatmeal.  I figured it was croup, since she's had it before, but she was really struggling, and it wasn't so dramatic last time around.  I took her on the front porch for the cold night air *that one is not a myth* while John got dressed, and something about her panic made me decide that we had to go to the hospital. (the big kids are with their dad this weekend)  John completely agreed, so I got dressed, fretted about the lovely impression my beer breath would make (so happy that John doesn't drink) and off we went to the thankfully three minute away hospital.  The waiting room had exactly one person in it, and we went right in.

We had a competent but OHMYGOD cocky doc that I've had there before.  Willow got one mist inhaler thing of adrenaline, then one of water, then a dose of prednasone to help open up her throat.  She was so very scared of the hospital.  She cried and cried and cried.  Finally, one of the nurses brought in a tv with a video, and Willow stopped mid-shriek and smiled at me.  "I watch tee bee!"  she exclaimed.  And I said, "YES!  T!!!V!!!" and I was very grateful to the nurse, even though I know she did it because she didn't want to hear any more crying. 

Once we were home, we both fell asleep in her bed.  Today she did fine and she's asleep now, though she did wake up a couple of times already tonight.  I bought her a new cold mist humidifier when I got her rx filled this afternoon, so she's propped up, steamy, medicated, and the window is open.  I hope that does the trick.  Last night scared me so much.  I hate that humans are so freakishly fragile.  Best not to think about that too much. 

I ordered two cds from amazon with some of my birthday money.  They finally came today.  I was SO SO SO happy when I saw them in the mailbox.  I guess that's the upside of not mail ordering anything for awhile.  I got this one and this one.  Both are very much to my liking, and I will have to put them on cassette tomorrow so I can listen to them in the van.  Did you know that some cars (mine) have no cd player??  It is shocking yes, but true.  Also, the idea I had that John and I would give each other iPod Nanos for christmas??  I think we just spent that on adrenaline and prednasone.  Which is okay.  But, uh, I REALLY DESIRE an iPod nano.  Really.  I sorta daydream about it.